Dancing with the Stars 17 promises spectacle and pathos

Well, it’s almost ballroom dancing time as the 17th season of Dancing with the Stars reveals the celebs feverishly working on their dance moves before the season premiere. In addition to the new roster of stars and pros, there is also another new twist to the competition this year – one show per week! There will be no Tuesday night results show (which I’ll miss because it was more of a music and variety showcase that just happened to feature an elimination), so it will be interesting to see how they handle the elimination week to week.

But before we get to all the competition and eliminations, fellow Clacker Kim Tibbs and I huddled together in our lavishly appointed CliqueClack Conference Room to have a look at the new stars and dish about their chances.

KIM: The first thoughts that went chanting through my mind when I read the Dancing with the Stars cast announcement for Season 17 were “Bill … Bill … Bill … Bill!” I am beyond excited about the announcement that Bill Nye: The Science Guy will now be Bill Nye: The Dancing Guy! I loved watching his kids’ program in the mid-1990s, and I especially adore a nerdy man in a bow tie. I don’t care if he’s the worst dancer ever featured on the program, he’s getting my votes as long as he’s in it! I said the same thing about Andy Dick last season too … go nerdy underdogs, go! You make the program far more entertaining in my book. My friends and I are betting he comes out dancing to “She Blinded Me with Science” by Thomas Dolby. As clichéd as it would be, it would also seriously make my day if he did. Who knows? Maybe Bill will surprise us all, as he once blew my impressionable mind with his science!

CHUCK: I definitely rooted for Andy Dick last season, so Nye certainly does seem to fill the nerd space in this year’s roster. I never watched his show, but I’ve seen him speak on TV and read some of his articles and posts online, so he does seem to be a pretty intelligent and compassionate guy. That compassion and pure likability may carry him on for much longer than his dancing will. But he could surprise us.

KT: Overall, this seems like a pretty stellar cast lineup this season. I actually recognize many of the names, which is not something I can always say. I cannot express enough admiration for Valerie Harper being added. I have adored her in The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Rhoda reruns all of my life and I find it so inspirational that she’s ready to compete not long after her brain cancer scare and apparent remission. Look at her recovering in style! She is also paired with one of my favorite dance pros on the show: Tristan MacManus, so she also has that going for her. She might just make it to the finals after all!

CD: I’m split on the name recognition, but I’m old so I know all of the older stars and few of the newcomers or athletes. And I am just so torn on the casting of Valerie Harper. Let’s get this very clear – I adore her and was so devastated to hear about her illness. She’s been such an inspiration during her ordeal, and I know everyone has been rooting for her (even if they all wondered if she would still be around by the time her Hot in Cleveland/Mary Tyler Moore Show reunion episode aired). I know she’s going to be an inspiration on DWTS to show that you can live with anything and make the most of your life, but I worry that people are just going to be tuning in to see if she crumbles under the strain. It’s tough on the healthiest of people to learn these dances week after week, so I hope it just doesn’t turn into morbid fascination for the viewers. And I love Tristan too, but why does he always get stuck with the older women?

KT: I must say I’m so excited about Elizabeth Berkley, a.k.a. Jessica Spano from Saved By the Bell, being part of the cast. Partnered with Val Chmerkovskiy, I think they will be one of the power couples to beat this season – if she can stay off the caffeine pills that is (ha-ha, I had to make a reference to the best Saved By the Bell episode ever!). She obviously has the dance experience, even if they were mostly stripper moves in Showgirls. She also looks to be in fabulous shape and Val has really impressed me the past few seasons for both his patience and passion. I’d love to see him win a Mirror Ball!

CD: Never saw an episode of SBTB, so all I could think about when seeing Berkley on the list was stripper moves. Which I’m sure will not help in any way with ballroom dancing, but you can bet at some point they will figure out how to incorporate a Showgirls reference. And maybe Gina Gershon will show up to cheer her on … or push HER down the stairs! (That’s a Showgirls reference, btw.)

KT: Another standout I will be routing for is Jack Osbourne, who is looking very svelte and handsome now, isn’t he? I loved watching his sister Kelly dance many seasons ago and I’m looking forward to seeing what the younger Osbourne can do on the dance floor. Jack is paired with Cheryl Burke, which seems like a departure from her usually being paired with the male athlete of the season. I think Jack will be one of the funnier contestants, along with Glee’s Amber Riley, who is paired with my favorite dance pro Derek Hough. I can’t wait to see what kind of choreography Derek throws her way!

CD: Wasn’t Jack diagnosed with MS not too long ago? I hope this season doesn’t turn out to be too schmaltzy now with a cancer patient and someone with MS. It’s great that they can make people more aware of these things and, again, inspire but I don’t want it all to become too maudlin. I watch DWTS for the dancing, costumes and flashy lighting, to escape for a couple of hours. I don’t want to be in tears every time I watch Valerie or Jack dance! As for Amber Riley, all I could think was “seriously?” Wow, you get dropped from a hit show and your next stop is DWTS?