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The Amazing Race – My Nose Is on Fire

CBS

CBS

(Season 13, Episode 7)

I don’t usually have a strong negative reaction to these reality shows. But Kelly, Christy and Tina are all such colossal bitches that I can’t help wishing for horrid things to happen to them while watching this race. Andrew & Dan are idiots too, but they’re harmless. Kelly & Christy are stupid and vindictive and a little bit evil. Their ex-husbands totally made the right call in dropping these drama queens.

Tina, on the other hand, is the stereotypical bitchy wife. She is never satisfied unless everything is going exactly her way. She wants to be in control of absolutely everything and have everyone bow down to her. Yes, I’m still annoyed with her for the “Oh we got a special airplane for everyone you should all be so grateful and maybe bend over and kiss our asses just a little bit to show it” crap she pulled in the first episode. Tonight, when pulled into an Indian tradition, she nearly knocked a guy over and verbally assaulted everyone around her. Class act that one!

Road Block (Holi Festival) – Getting pelted with dye while searching what looked like a clothing rack for a specific envelope out of hundreds doesn’t sound like fun, but when Starr takes off her shirt to do it in a sports bra, it was fun for all the young men in attendance. Dallas, who was the next to arrive, definitely got it a lot worse in the pelted-with-dye department. Maybe he should have taken off his shirt.

I’m not surprised that Kelly & Christy managed to completely screw this challenge up. First, Kelly was afraid to even go for the ladder and then she had no idea what to do when she got there. In fact, the point of the competition was to find an envelope marked The Amazing Race. Quite possibly one of the simplest fucking challenges on the entire Race and she can’t handle it? She’s bringing back random envelopes hoping they’re the right ones? They really couldn’t comprehend the instructions? My god, they’re really that stupid!

Oh yeah, then Tina got there and started pushing the revelers around when they got her dirty and insulting them. She’s a real gem.

Detour (Bleary Eyed | Teary Eyed) – Starr & Dallas got to spend some quality time bonding while their teams teamed up and took first and second through the Detour. These two teams are pretty much the only teams that I would really want to win at this point, so more power to them. And if Starr & Dallas are sneaking some nookie at the Pit Stops, well maybe that’s helping their game. Just so long as they aren’t leaving Nick & Toni to awkwardly look at one another and pretend they aren’t hearing any noises. Here’s how I imagine an exchange between them might go: “So do you wanna?” “No.” “Oh thank god!”

As much as I hoped Ken and Tina might have gotten eliminated, they were helped incredibly by the intense stupidity of Kelly & Christy and Andrew & Dan. She may be a bitch, but Ken & Tina actually have some brains in their heads while the foursome kept cluelessly doing it all wrong over and over again. How did these morons stick around so long? Hell, the boys might have never figured it out if Ken & Tina hadn’t given them a tip.

Pit Stop

  1. Nick & Starr (Trip to Hawaii)
  2. Toni & Dallas
  3. Terence & Sarah
  4. Ken & Tina
  5. Andrew & Dan
  6. Kelly & Christy (ELIMINATED!)

I’m already happier. Now there’s only one person on the Race that I want to watch get punched in the mouth!

6 Responses to “The Amazing Race – My Nose Is on Fire”

November 10, 2008 at 9:40 AM

Jason… K & C actually figured it out, while Tina helped Dandrew. So, I doubt they would have figured it out on their own. Dandrew sucks big time and should have been out. Once they got the help from Tina, I knew it was over for K & C. However, K & C were funny with their commentary about “Which member of Dandrew would you kiss?” Completely hysterical. I never read them as bitches, more as clueless idiots. They were too mediocre to be taken seriously as competition. Dustin & Kandice from All-Stars and Season 8 (?) are the biggest bitches of AR history!

I actually liked the fact that the revelers at the Holi ritual pelted the racer who did not do the challenge with dye also. That was kind of funny when Nick got pelted more than Starr and he just stood there and whined about the ink.

If Terence weren’t on the race, Nick would be the biggest girl on the race! I love Sarah, but her choice in mate makes me question her judgment. However, Terence redeemed himself with squirting water up his nose to get the dye out. Funny!

And when is Toni actually going to do a road block? I acutally thought she’d do the Holi ritual, but geez, she can’t even run to a ladder and get hit with dye. D/T won’t win because she is such an albatross physically.

November 12, 2008 at 12:54 PM

Didn’t Toni do the challenge where they had to spray paint the taxi cabs green? I remember Dallas telling her she had to hold the sprayer further away from the cab so she could cover more area faster.

In years past they used to have a rule that there were only so many Detours one player could participate and that forced both players to have to share the workload. Wonder if they still have that rule in effect this season?

November 10, 2008 at 9:53 AM

I’m surprised you didn’t mention what a disrespectful #@@&*!? Ken was during their speed bump. He was just as bad, if not worse, than Tina during the Paint Challenge.

I recognize it was not necessarily the most sacred of tasks given that it had been licensed out as reality show challenge fodder, but the speed bump was fundamentally religious. Ken might as well have spit in the faces of the believers he encountered.

November 10, 2008 at 7:11 PM

My main thought this ep was that I hoped the producers had set up the Holi challenge including getting the dye powder from safe sources because that stuff is often known to be quite toxic! Its gorgeous to behold, but as I understand it the powder used in those festivals is often bought off the side of the road and is just as likely to be toxic industrial chemicals as colored flour or whatever you might hope it was.

Enough of the downer…I hope Toni and Dallas win! (Even if their names sound like a pair of porn stars.)

November 10, 2008 at 10:07 PM

I can assure you there is nothing toxic in the colors used for Holi. I have participated in it more than once and the only things that sticks to you is the color. More often than not it takes a few days to get the color out. Pink is the hardest.

November 10, 2008 at 11:01 PM

Well, not that I believe everything read on the internet, but there are a few sources that state otherwise. I’m not talking about the colors, I’m talking about the chemicals used in making them and that are in them, including asbestos and silica in some cases.

https://www.holifestival.org/eco-friendly-holi.html

https://www.gits4u.com/religion/holi.htm

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holi

These all seem to have the same information, probably all from the 2001 study mentioned in the Wikipedia entry. I’d be happy to hear that things have changed since then though, because it looks like a lot of fun!

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