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The Celebrity Apprentice – They ALL sucked

all_small_mighty The ApprenticeThis one threw me for a loop. I have plenty to say, and I certainly never shy away from editorializing, but to avoid getting bogged down in some of the insanity from last night, let’s just start from the beginning.

First of all, last week I noted that I felt Tionne Watkins was an angry person. She seemed, to me, to simply be someone with a negative disposition. Not to say anything about the job she’s been doing, or her abilities in this competition. Just a read I got off of her. However, to those of you who were upset by my characterization, I will say this: it was really wonderful to watch her as she presented her charity (the Sickle Cell Foundation of Georgia) with a check from last week’s task. The obvious joy she gets in helping others is a remarkable thing, and, regardless of how she appears elsewhere, she clearly finds her bliss in giving of herself. That really says something to me.

To the games!

With the men down to four (and, on top of that, Herschel Walker away for the day and Brian McKnight MIA for the task), Trump decided to mix up the teams. Seriously, I don’t know why I can’t find much to champion on the women’s side, but I think Jesse James and Clint Black (now on opposite teams) just got their battleships sunk. They went from a strong core of a team to a very unpredictable bunch, and I now wonder whether either of them can survive until the end. And whether I’ll enjoy watching anymore.

The “celebrities” were tasked with creating a viral Internet video for a new ALL laundry detergent. I know. Clint and Melissa Rivers quickly took the lead on their respective squads. It was funny hearing Melissa talk about her vast experience producing, a clear self-promotion after her battle with Claudia Jordan two weeks ago over her qualifications. Maybe the Rivers Melissa and Joan are truly more than bad red carpet personalities, but most people don’t know them in any other way. I don’t think any of us can embrace them as a producer and a comedian, respectively, so why do they keep trying to convince us?

The teams went in different directions, with the Melissa-led Athena suggesting their video star Jesse James being washed by little people. The Clint-led KOTU created a more sexual-innuendoed idea, potentially too edgy for the brand. What lost me was the following: Jesse refused the idea, but in the end that was the video that his team made, and he was happy about it. What? And, KOTU loved Clint’s double entendre of a course, but after meeting with the product executives, and asking them a number of non-specific questions, they not only turned on the idea, they supposedly no longer understood it. Huh? Now, neither video was good (though only Athena’s was bad), but either both experiences really were that puzzling, or the show did an exceptionally poor job of editing this time around.

While the Athena question lingers for me, what really got to me were the women of KOTU: Joan, Natalie Gulbis (nice makeover!), and Khloe Kardashian. They were totally into the idea at first, though they did continue to pitch their own as the morning progressed. But, at a certain point, the project manager needs to run with one. In this case, Clint ran with his own idea, and that’s where I got lost. All of a sudden, Joan starts riling up dissent in the ranks, to the point where quiet little Natalie is being insubordinate! Now, I do think that Clint was wrong to shut them out of the process, but what the hell is wrong with Joan that she took the dispute personally? So now she’s going to throw out any CDs she may own of Clint’s? Black finally managed to rid himself of the baggage that came with the men’s team, and now he finds himself stuck with this dead weight. I think Herschel (who returned later) and Natalie can still be positive factors, but Joan belongs in the competition about as much as … well, I’m going to refrain from making any statements that get me into trouble, but you get my point.

The completed videos were viewed and judged by the product executives, as well as by a special advisor on taste, or something like that, Perez Hilton. I fall into just about every demographic that advertisers target, and I’m of the Internet generation. And yet I must ask, with all due respect: who is this person who has become the arbiter of cool and not? Some rumor slinger just a level above the paparazzi? Nothing against him as a person; rather, I question why we as a public have made someone like Perez relevant. I just don’t get it.

And I also didn’t get the Athena video that he enjoyed so much. It was rude, and crude, and beyond insulting to large groups of people. KOTU’s video wasn’t good, but at least it wasn’t offensive. For Trump to have called it basically porn was probably one of the most ridiculous things he’s ever said on television. Either way, neither team won, and Clint and Melissa went head to head in the boardroom along with two of their teammates.

Another word, if I may, about the Rivers. It was beyond a huge mistake to have cast them both on the show. I know the producers enjoy intrigue, but what was with Melissa sitting there and shaking her head while Clint and Joan were battling it out, like Melissa, being on the other team, had anything pertinent to say? The fact that she acknowledged that her mother could be abrasive didn’t negate the fact that she shouldn’t have been allowed to open her mouth in the first place. I think that’s what Clint had in mind when he decided not to bring Joan, the obvious choice, back into the boardroom with him. He was a lot safer avoiding the potential double screech of Melissa and Joan.

It was at this point that Trump went strategic as well, opting to shape the competition as he saw fit. First went Tionne, cut for the sin of volunteering to return to the boardroom. I understand the logic, and he fires a lot of people for stupid decisions that are ultimately a show of low business acumen, but he read this one incorrectly. This was a show of solidarity by Athena, a single voice that said that no one deserved to be fired because everyone had turned out a stellar performance. For the sin of producing a bad video, Melissa was the only person who should have been cut. Firing Tionne was a clear play by Trump to preserve Brande Roderick and Melissa for another day, and it was really shameless. I feel bad for her, because, angry or not, she didn’t deserve that.

But that was a lot better than what came next. At least with Tionne, Trump had precedence to point to. Left in the boardroom after Tionne’s firing were Clint, Khloe and Natalie. With nary a discussion, Trump revealed where Khloe had been the previous task: attending a driving class in California, as part of her sentence for a DUI. While it did answer my question of where she could possibly have had to be that was more pressing than the show, it really had no relevance in the post-task dustup. But Trump wanted Clint, and he wanted Natalie. And so he pounded his chest over his disgust for people who drink and drive. He referenced poor Dennis Rodman, and the members of MADD, and on, and on.

He told Khloe that he never would have offered her a spot on the show had he known about the DUI. It was coming, and we could all feel it. Finally, feeling he had substantiated the situation enough, Trump fired Khloe. I did not get that. I’m the first to say that she isn’t even a “celebrity,” but to be fired for a DUI, that, to be quite frank, was public knowledge already? She may be a nobody, but word of her arrest circulated all over the place. It may have never reached Trump directly, but it certainly would have gotten to someone on his staff, at least when they started pulling together biographical information on Khloe for promotional material for the show. If Trump had at least used some failure from previous weeks as an excuse, okay. For my purposes, the reason didn’t have to be substantial. But to be fired for something like that? The fix, as they say, is in.

I would have even gone to bed feeling bad for Khloe, had we not gotten another glimpse of her as she was “driven away” from the hotel while the credits rolled. She, too, was stunned, and let the audience know that “I don’t want people to remember me this way.” Don’t worry sweetie … no one has any idea who you are in the first place!

Photo Credit: Sun Products Corporation

12 Responses to “The Celebrity Apprentice – They ALL sucked”

April 6, 2009 at 6:08 PM

Aryeh – It’s o.k. to admit that you might have been wrong about Tionne, except that you still can’t quite bring yourself to do that, can you? LOL!

I disagree with you on a few points, but I kind of commented myself out on this episode over at TV Squad so I will take the positive approach and tell you that I absolutely agree with you about Melissa being allowed to butt in on the dispute Clint and Joan were having. In Melissa’s defense, Trump really kept trying to egg her on, hoping for some kind of over the top drama before shutting her down. I cannot ever recall one team being allowed to interject during another teams debate before. It was wrong.

I’ve also never seen a season where the “celebrities” were allowed to come and go at will like they’ve been allowed to do this season. It’s probably the only way they could get anyone to commit to the show.

Also, I couldn’t agree more about Perez Hilton. Especially since his great insight was that as a gay man, Athena’s ad appealed to him. Uhh, ok. You’re not really the demographic that ALL was going for Perez, but thanks for the illuminating commentary – not!

Finally, you’re absolutely right about the pointless dismissals of Tionne and Khloe. I think even Don Don and Ivanka looked taken aback at Trump’s out of left field decisions on this episode. At least he’s got people talking about him and his show though, hasn’t he?

April 6, 2009 at 6:49 PM

My wife agrees with you, but, I say to you both: with Tionne now gone, I won’t have to admit nothing! ;-)

Oh, it was definitely Trump’s fault for inviting Melissa to speak, but we’ve seen both Joan and Melissa acting like that in defense of the other in past boardrooms. The difference here, as you point out, is that they’re on different teams. Not cool.

Seriously! Last year, I don’t remember a single “celeb” cutting out for a day. If nothing else, they should block out the time as their volunteering days for their respective charities. Come on!

I was at dinner the other night with some friends, and one of the guys is a young doctor, reads novels, newspapers, watches tv, travels, etc. He had no idea who Perez Hilton was … that made me smile. :-)

Yes, I think the kids looked a bit shocked, too. Nice usage of Don Don, by the way!

I always wonder whether we’re just playing into Trump’s hands by discussing the show … but it’s just so loony, how could we not?

April 6, 2009 at 10:24 PM

Both firings pissed me off. You’re right about Tionne. It was just a show of solidarity and Melissa should have been fired. The one thing that is slightly wrong is the precedent for firing her. Bradford, from Season 2, did not volunteer to come back to the boardroom. He voluntarily gave up his immunity before he knew his team had lost because he felt it was a sure thing that they had won. His teammates took advantage of that less-than-brilliant move and Trump fired him for giving up immunity, but not for volunteering to come back to the boardroom. His move was stupid, Tionne’s was not. Ivanka did look stunned.

The reason Joan was so upset was that because, even though they thought the joke was funny at first, after the meeting with the All execs, they were pretty clear that they weren’t too keen on the idea. None of the women wanted to move forward with the joke after that, but Clint persisted and it became less amusing when the little person was recast by Clint. At that point, it really made no sense and then the shot of Clint sneaking off to the laundry room with the All and the look he gave as he closed the door, made it obvious what he was going to do. The thought bubbles only made it worse as it suggested adultery on his part with the “girlfriend” references, not something a product marketed to women with children – probably married – would want to be seen as condoning.

But firing Khloe for her DUI, which she has taken responsibility for and is doing all kinds of work to spotlight the issue of driving under the influence, was not cool. Firing Dennis for being a mess and avoiding his own issues was understandable, but firing Khloe for taking responsibility seems counterproductive at best. Why demean someone for something they did in the past that they have acknowledged and taken responsibility for? It sends a message that no amount of regrets and responsibility-taking will do any good so why bother? Clint should have been fired for being an asshat, but without him and Joan fighting each other, where would the drama come from? Both firings kind of ruined the show for me now, but I do want to see what gets Joan so upset she tosses the water and manages to get her own hair wet!

April 7, 2009 at 12:44 PM

I agree– the thought bubbles made the commercial much worse, especially for the demographic. But what was Joan’s brilliant idea– mud wrestling? Seriously? As someone who is exactly in ALL’s demographic– female over 25 (not by much), a “woman with children” (in my case, a child, and by the way, I have no problem with being categorized as a mother), I can say I think Clint’s idea is much less offensive (and even amusing, in his original idea) then mud wrestling, which is stupid, not funny, and offensive. Joan’s main problem seemed to be that she couldn’t bulldoze over Clint and so she felt the need to be obnoxious and annoying. I look forward to seeing her go, and I hope it happens soon.

And nicely said about Khloe. I was not a fan, but that was ridiculous.

April 7, 2009 at 5:39 PM

As a woman over 25 (by quite a lot), with two fairly young children (7 year old twins), you’re right — when did “mother” become a bad word? What is the difference between a “woman with children” and a “Mom”?? Wow – can’t believe I didn’t pick up on that during the show, but you make an excellent point. I like being called a “Mom” just fine!

April 7, 2009 at 6:55 PM

I heard that the same way, but was somewhat perplexed, by the implication.
I’m proud to say I”m a mother/mom. I’m also a loyal Tide customer, as was my mother. Maybe there’s more to their demographic research than we heard.

Also, I never saw Tionne as angry or negative either. Just reserved. I liked her.

April 7, 2009 at 9:36 PM

I saw the differentiation as ALL trying to be careful not to pin their audience into “moms” but rather “women who happen to have children”, as if the women didn’t want to be defined by their children (perhaps they were trying to get away from the “soccer mom”/stay-at-home mom demographic). I (a working mother) was actually somewhat offended by it. As with both of you, I am proud to be a mother. Interestingly, we are also a Tide family :O)

April 8, 2009 at 8:48 AM

These days, we are a “whatever is on sale” family ;-)

April 7, 2009 at 1:16 PM

Yes, I did remember that Bradford had only given up his immunity; for me the precedence was in Trump firing someone who voluntarily jumped into the line of fire. Sorry for not clarifying that, but thanks for bringing it up!

I disagree that the ALL execs gave any specific indication that they were uncomfortable with the idea Clint was developing. Joan made some joke to them about cursing in the video. They said no to drunks and washing yourself with the product. But, when asked about sexual innuendo, they said “we leave that up to you.” Was the guy hesitant when he said it? Yes. But I think that was because he wasn’t sure if he wanted to give them guidelines, or let them work it out themselves. He decided on the latter. While you could draw your own conclusions from that, which the women of KOTU clearly did, I did not get the impression that a commercial with a subtle sexual innuendo would offend them. The finished product was too blatant, but the original idea didn’t go against the grain. At least not to me.

The thought bubbles were terribly done – maybe they could have worked if used subtly, but not as they were. And yeah, I was really surprised when it was about an affair. Somehow Clint lost his way.

As for Clint being fired, I’m still a fan. I think if we want a good show until the end, he needs to hang around. He’s one of the few competent people in this thing!

April 7, 2009 at 11:59 PM

I can’t believe that none of you get the principles of this kind of shows.. or lack of it! It’s all about the RATINGS!!! And what brings ratings..why, it’s fights, confrontations and drama.
People that are creating drama will 99% of the time never get fired. That’s why the kept Rodman for so long in the game. I’ll be very clear:

Tionne was fired because she was in no conflict ever with anyone on her team. It wasn’t about her being fired. It was more about keeping the other two because their masked hostility towards each other which will make good tv the next week.

It was also clear that Trump will never fire Clint. Not now when Joan totally exploded on him. Think of it like this. If he stays on the same team with Joan R. after this fight, trump knows that there will be blood next task.. and great TV btw. Of course that one of the women would get fired over Clint. They both didn’t create conflicts and are nice to Joan which makes for boring upcoming weeks. Even when Clint says that he takes full responsibility for failing the task. But Trump needs him and Joan to fight more and create good ratings/TV. That’s why Trump says that he respects Clint’s taking responsibility. Anybody else would hawe been fired for saying the same thing.
Please people, just try looking at it from ratings standpoint… it becomes so much clear! It’s all about the DRAMA which brings good ratings! We all watch it for the fights and not the business. Remember, TRUMP WILL ALWAYS TRY TO KEEP PEOPLE THAT ENGAGE IN FIGHTS BECAUSE THEY DRIVE THE SHOW’S RATINGS! You all know that after this last task there will be some serious bad blood between Joan and Clint. You all want to see it..so it will give them better ratings next week.. and did I mention that RATINGS drive every show on TV!!! Wake up and smell the coffee, people!
PEACE

April 8, 2009 at 1:23 AM

Just to be clear, because we’re all obviously a little slow here. Are you saying it’s all about ratings?

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