I need to just let it out: I feel as if The Celebrity Apprentice has been ruined for me. I hope that this feeling goes away before next season, but the amount of whining, complaining, and infantile bickering that’s taken place over the past few weeks, between adults, has really started to make me ill. In the past, like with most other shows, I’d close my eyes here and there at The Celebrity Apprentice; these days, I’m rarely looking anywhere but inside my own eyelids.
And, it’s too bad, because this show was never about the drama for me. This was a comedy, from the days when semi-successful professionals quit their jobs to compete for a “position” within the Trump organization (really as a glorified marketing tool), up through about the time when Dennis Rodman accompanied a couple out to dinner in the middle of the hotel task. Now? Talk about 95% of the show being completely extraneous!
After storming out last week after her tantrummy daughter Baby, Momma Rivers returned, late, and to a theatrical rush of music. Give me a break. Anyway, once all assembled, the two teams were tasked with creating a new jingle and radio commercial for Chicken of the Sea tuna. Now, everyone on KOTU immediately gave silent thanks for Clint Black, while Athena, and in particular Annie Duke, started bemoaning their lack of the country music star … because it takes a Grammy to write a jingle? If anything, Clint ended up writing a song, because that’s what he does. Jingles are an entirely different animal, and to imagine that being a musician gives you an unfair advantage shows the tremendous ignorance that Annie and Brande Roderick are walking around with.
Nevertheless, because of his particular talents, Momma was quick to back Clint for project manager (against Annie for Athena). It was interesting, although far from surprising, to then watch as Momma second guessed, questioned, and insulted, Clint’s performance and his ability to incorporate other people’s ideas. “Cluck, cluck, splash” was dumb the first time, and just plain abusive to my ears by the fiftieth time that she repeated it in the boardroom. Just shut up.
Advice that Annie should take as well (more on that later). Someone who should keep talking is Brande … after last week’s “forgew”, this week she gave us “Holy S-R-A-P!” Again, she was flustered, because she thought of saying one word and spelling another, mixing the two up and coming out with the above mishmash, but after last week I had a subconscious “Brande word-watch” going, so it was great to hear that almost right away.
Altogether too much time was spent on two things this week: Annie crying about Athena’s disadvantage (her voicing that opinion to Don Don and Ivanka would have been reason enough for me to fire her, win or lose), and Momma back on her “Clint doesn’t listen” mantra. The show’s been steering things in a different direction lately, but for pure enjoyment as a task-based episode and not a drama one, it was even more obvious to me during the first hour that the finale should be between Clint and Jesse James.
And Momma thinks a bit too highly of her comedic ability (as she puts it, she’s “The world’s #1, also in London, icon of comedy.”) I may be the only one, but I have yet to laugh at anything that she’s said. I just don’t find her amusing.
But, to the products. Both were bad, and while Athena’s commercial was too fast to really absorb (something no one mentioned), KOTU’s jingle wasn’t a jingle. Clint over-thought this one, likely because of the added pressure of working in your own sphere, but I was more disappointed in Athena for winning. Annie’s lack of faith in their ability to compete with KOTU showed a clear sign that she does not belong in the world of business. It’s one thing to question your skill set; it’s another to think so little of it when faced with a specific challenge that you shed tears when you come out victorious. Again, I would have fired her on the spot.
Before firing Clint for losing the task, it was interesting to see that the Trumps three all voiced their preference for KOTU’s jingle. I don’t know that we’ve ever seen that on a task where the judging was done externally. Anyway, with Clint gone it was time for the final interviews … with last year’s winner Piers Morgan. Piers can be a seriously unpleasant person, and it was funny to see his abrasive self combating four individuals who were utterly unprepared for his style.
Brande’s interview was a bit like a high school phone chain (“she said this about me, but then she explained it and said that he had said that she told him that….”). Piers broke Brande down for Trump quite simply: “She would demean the show” were she to make the finals. Ouch.
An interesting point arose when Piers met with Momma: many people see her as a quitter for getting up and walking out when Baby got fired. In truth, I hadn’t thought of it like that, but it’s an interesting perspective. The fact that she spent the entire interview (that we saw) complaining about Annie, and her continued Hitler references, were enough to make me fast forward past her. If I missed something significant, let me know.
Meanwhile, Annie claims to have not gotten personal. Is that even worth a response? Does she mean besides every time she was speaking behind someone’s back? I wasn’t surprised that Piers seemed to take to her, but I believe that, had Annie faced Piers last year on the show, he’d feel a lot different about her.
Jesse made a number of mistakes in his brief meeting. First of all, he’s spinning this as a blue-collared man succeeding in a white-collar competition. Both characterizations couldn’t be farther from the truth, and it spoke to a side of Jesse that I hadn’t seen before: a lack of faith in his accomplishments. He was kind of saying that he did “even better” because he was coming in as an outsider. He also got almost mad when questioned about his wife (Sandra Bullock), and his lack of use of his connections through her. I’m okay with his wanting to keep his wife separate, but he should have responded to the situation differently (and that includes his look of murderous rage).
Funniest line of the night? Piers calling the competition “One of the toughest things that any human being should ever go through.” It’s sad to see “famous” people groveling at the feet of this show. Is a charitable donation really worth their pride?
Back in the boardroom, Trump questioned each of the four remaining contestants. Over the course of the conversation, he saw the tension flare between Annie and Momma for, I believe, the first time. And boy, did he jump to Momma’s defense. He followed up the incident by asking Annie what she brought to the table besides fundraising, going so far as to opine that the final task may not even involve fundraising … has he listened to himself for the past fifteen weeks? What in the world was that supposed to mean?
Ultimately, the decisions came down to drama, as so many of you previously predicted. I was disappointed by that, not least of all because it’s pathetic drama, and in truth should get the same quotes that I give to the “celebrities” themselves. Brande got cut first, Trump proclaiming that she far exceeded what he or anyone else thought she possibly could (what a ringing endorsement), alluding that she had hit her peak. And last went Jesse. Why? Because Trump doubted he’d involve his wife in the final task….
And, so? Had Trump said “I don’t believe you’ll have any better success fundraising in the final task”, he would have had a legitimate reason for cutting Jesse, since, contrary to his previous statement, this is all about money. But because he didn’t want to intertwine his personal life with the show? I commend him for that. Jesse’s firing runs pretty close to Khloe Kardashian’s in the weakest reasoning category.
So then there were two: Annie Duke versus Momma Rivers. My money’s on Baby Rivers being back and assigned to Annie next week for the finals. Either way, if I didn’t need to get all of this out of my system with you each week, I don’t know that I’d be there; this is the worst excuse for a final two that any reality show has ever seen.
But hey, who knows with Donald Trump … maybe they’ll both lose. Now that would be something to see!
Clacked by Aryeh S.
on May 04, 2009 @ 15:27 EST5EDT
Based on performance and fundraising, there was no way Annie was not going to make the finals so who does Annie have the most tension/drama with? And also, with Annie not a household name, which of the remaining three is the most well known? From the point that Athena won the task (and probably earlier than that), an Annie vs. Joan finale was a foregone conclusion.
Random comments – How much more would you have loved it, Aryeh, if Brande had made the “I’m number one in the world and also in London” comment? ;-) I find Joan funniest when she is NOT doing the tired old comedy routine jokes, although I did laugh a couple weeks ago when she said something like she couldn’t wait until Annie had to have a face lift because she would need to have two – LOL! Maybe that’s an old joke too, but I had never heard it before. And I also laughed when Piers asked if she felt she was wrong in comparing Annie to Hitler and Joan said “Yes… (pause) because Annie doesn’t have a mustache. I should have compared her to Eva Braun”.
I was looking for any trace of sarcasm in Piers statement that being on Celebrity Apprentice is “One of the toughest things that any human being should ever go through” but I couldn’t detect any. On the other hand, the fact that he had to compete alongside the onerous Omarosa, makes me appreciate how he, personally, might feel that way. Having to do anything in conjunction with Omarosa could qualify as being “one of the toughest things that any human being should ever go through” ;-)
I didn’t read Annie’s statements as a lack of faith in her abilities, but rather another brilliantly played move. How better to make yourself look good than by repeatedly pointing out that this is an area where you don’t excel and where the other team has someone who does? It came across as “poor little me” even as she was laying plans to beat the competition. And I TOTALLY didn’t buy the boardroom tears AT ALL. From a master poker player? Really?? p.s. – If she had said one more time “I wrote the winning song!” – or as Joan put it, “Annie spells “team” – “I, I, I, I, I, I, I” I was going to start muting her. If I were Brande, I would have stepped right in and said “Yeah, and I did the winning radio ad!” but the fact that she never spoke up for herself everytime Annie spoke glowingly about Annie, spelled the beginning of the end for Brande. I do agree with you though, that the radio ad was just a beat or two short of speed talking.
Finally – Did Trump ever have a boardroom, fire someone, than call the remaining players in and say he was going to fire two more, right there, on the spot? That seemed really out of left field to me. Was Trump so bored with half of the remaining players and/or feel that half of them had such a neglible impact on the ratings that he just decided to wash his hands of them and get right on to the finale already?
*POST AUTHOR*
Oh, no question that Annie had earned it from a performance and fundraising perspective (though, now that you mention it, do we know the latter for a fact or is it the hype that she’s gotten everyone to hook into?) I just can’t stand her. And I was actually okay with her for the first half of the season; I think this incident with the Rivers is what turned her for me, because beforehand I didn’t see the manipulative side that everyone else did. And believe me, I looked. But, you know, I don’t recall that Piers and Trace were the two most contentious last year, and they made it through; it was a mix of bad blood, past performance, potential, and Trump’s personal opinion about them that pulled them through. Most of that is lacking this time around.
Okay, I’ll give you that the Ava Braun thing was cute, but it was also when I hit fast forward. I’ll admit that she made me smirk (plus, then I don’t have to admit that I was wrong in my statement above :))
Ah, the “Big O”. I have actually had to go to great lengths not to ever mention her; I figured that those who got it would read her name into my pondering Piers and Annie competing the same year. But yes, his experience could quite possibly be where he was coming from (though I still think he was, at least in part, kissing up).
It’s fair to say that Annie was just concocting a whole new ploy, but I think the ruse went too far for that. I don’t believe that she was ever completely terrified of their chances of at least competing, but I saw a bit of resignation in her that she probably can only 100% keep at bay at the poker table. And I saw it each time she mentioned the subject. I didn’t get underdog shining, I got “I’m shouting as loud as I can that I’m at a grave disadvantage, so don’t blame me when we lose. But, I’m at a grave disadvantage.”
Brande definitely missed the boat there, but that goes to what I think Brande’s lacking: not the brains, but the competitive mentality. It just doesn’t occur to her to fight for herself.
As to your last point, I think most of the four to two cuts have been pretty rapid, and have come within the episode that the group went from 5 to 4. At the very least, we usually see the process beginning immediately following the previous boardroom. I think it was only season one that he had a task following the final four being left. Am I totally off on that?
If you looked closely at the scenes from next week, Momma and Baby will be back together with Herschel and Clint (I’m more surprised Jesse wasn’t back) and Annie has Brande, Dennis and Tom. Seems like she’s being set up to fail!
*POST AUTHOR*
Wow. Seriously.
I wonder, though, why they ruin so many “surprises” by showing previews like that. For instance, at the end of last week they showed Momma working on this week’s task. Not that I thought that she wouldn’t be back, but still. Or, the “coming up next” things that always give stuff away. I think they do more harm than good.
Maybe not Chuck – We don’t yet know Dennis Rodman’s full fundraising potential. It could be sky high, and Brande has shown she has friends willing to shell out. So I guess we’ll see.
Annie of late, has been too arrogant for me to root for. And although Joan has been a little nuts, I find that I can overlook it, because she seems like a funny auntie, that always me laugh, and takes me shopping, and sincerely cares about my troubles. (I know I’m projecting quite a bit!)
I think Joan has a good chance of winning now that she’s angry. Her fundraising should go WAY up.
*POST AUTHOR*
That’s what I’ve always said about Dennis, although God knows what he’ll do if they’ve been brought in with the assignment of trying to rattle the finalists.
I think Joan’s drive is up, but I bet she falls flat on her face for want of donations. I think she just doesn’t have the rolodex that she pretends to.