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The rapidity of network tributes for dead stars creeps us out

bio_logoHere’s a situation where we don’t know if we should admire the networks for their tenacity or feel all oogy at the fact that they had a pile of “Sent in the Event of Death” releases all ready to go.

At about 3:00 PM EDT, only a few hours after Farrah Fawcett’s death was announced, we received a press release from TV Land on their tribute to the actress (a replay of Chasing Fawcett on June 27th). This is sort of understandable since Ms. Fawcett was reported in failing health for several weeks. What wasn’t understandable was the press release from the Biography Channel on Michael Jackson. A mere 90 minutes after Jackson’s sudden death was confirmed we received a press release at the CliqueClack offices on their tribute to Michael (Bio Remembers: Michael Jackson on June 27th).

The speed of bio’s announcement just skeeves us out. It reminded us so much of the Dana Carvey Show sketch where, as Tom Brokaw, Dana pre-records a number of death announcements for Gerald Ford. We had to wonder what type of conversation went on at the BIO executive offices to get this press release out so quickly. Here now is a possible scenario, courtesy of our leader Keith McDuffee:

Cigar-chomping network executive: “Dammit, boys, TV Land beat us to a Fawcett special. We’ve got to be on top of these things! Jimmy!”

Mealy-mouthed junior executive Jimmy: “Yes sir!”

CCNE: “Who’s famous, semi-famous, related to someone famous or cutting the hair of someone famous who’s dying, deathly ill, sick or  has a fucking cold? Go!”

Jimmy: “Patrick Swayze!”

CCNE: “Swayze, eh? Played the back nine with him last week. Fit as a  fiddle. Pack your desk, Jimmy boy. You’re FIRED! PAUL!”

Sweaty junior executive Paul: “Sir?”

CCNE: “Dying or sick. What you got?”

Paul: “Uh … buh … M…Michael Jackson kinda looks sick…?”

CCNE: “… Jackson, eh? Risky, but I like it. Man’s probably been dead for years, held up with molded plastic. Thriller was a  documentary. Alright, you heard ‘em — Michael Jackson special this weekend! Make it happen!”

Paul: “Yes sir!”

(…meanwhile, several hours later, at the Swayze residence…)

Swayze: “Michael Jackson’s dead? MICHAEL JACKSON IS DEAD?!  WOOHOO! IT WASN’T ME!!!”

Come on, networks! Give us a chance to mourn and reflect on the death of these folks before sending out your promotional material. And, by the way, try not to be to quick to put out those tributes to Patrick Swayze and Walter Cronkite. Let them die first before sending out those bulk emails.

Photo Credit: Biography.com

Categories: | Clack | General |

10 Responses to “The rapidity of network tributes for dead stars creeps us out”

June 26, 2009 at 10:19 AM

NBC had on some Dateline special thing about his death that was clearly filmed 10 years ago. It’s all very sick.

However I must say… I don’t really care. He’s dead, sad yes, but we will now have it on the news 24 hours a day for weeks and weeks.

What was really sick is some video of him going to the hospital, and people behind the ambulance taking pictures of the inside! If I was the driver I would mow those assholes down and not bother to call it in. Truly sick people.

June 26, 2009 at 11:51 AM

What’s going on in Iran? How about N. Korea news? Can’t find out on t.v and it’s a bit frustrating.

June 26, 2009 at 12:40 PM

You can’t be serious. Are you telling me that there’s currently nothing else on the nightly news than MJ? Seriously?

Wow… so sorry for you guys.

Oh wait, Ken Levine just mentioned: if Manny Ramirez has another at-bat they’ll most likely interrupt any other programming with breaking news coverage about that, right?

Phew… so glad my impression of the US news media wasn’t ruined *snicker*

June 26, 2009 at 5:24 PM

Yes, well it’s a good thing we have great talk radio. :)

June 26, 2009 at 5:29 PM

Oh I’d kill for a german NPR or This American Life, trust me :-)

June 26, 2009 at 2:35 PM

So, how soon before we get a reported death, the specials by the networks, then find out the death was faked?

June 26, 2009 at 3:54 PM

I believe that was an SNL skit, Rich… but I’ll let it go. I’m sure you’ve been overcome with grief.

And yes, I was very annoyed to turn on my TV this morning to find the Today show talking about nothing but MJ and Farrah. Even the local news… when I really wanted to hear if they caught that bank robber that was supposedly running around the woods in my back yard.

June 26, 2009 at 4:09 PM

To answer your question, Bob: Nope. If you click on the link you’ll clearly see it’s from The Dana Carvey Show. I thought it was SNL as well, but you could tell from the way the sketch was filmed, as well as the closing credits featuring Colbert, Carell and Smigel, that this was Carvey’s own program.

June 26, 2009 at 5:02 PM

So that clip clearly shows it being on the Dana Carvey show, but I vividly remember it being on one of the SNLs that Dana Carvey hosted.

https://www.tv.com/Saturday+Night+Live/Dana+Carvey-Dr.+Dre/episode/69441/recap.html

tv.com confirms it… could it have been aired on both shows? That seems odd…

June 26, 2009 at 7:03 PM

The sheer dominance of Jackson on the news probably means all kinds of shady goings on are not being reported on across the world. We might wake up in a few days to find out that N.Korea nuked S.Korea and Iran massacred half its population.

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