“OK, so what do we do now?” – Parker
“Well, I just sent Eddie to the hospital … so lets go steal us a hospital.” – Nate
“If I mention Star Trek One, Three, or Five, then everything’s okay, because the odd ones sucked. But if I mention Two, Four, or Six … What do you do?” – Hardison to Eliot, explaining his “code”
[later in the episode]
[over the intercom] “Would Dr. Ralph O’Conn please report to surgery? Dr. Ralph O’Conn, report to surgery! Ralph O’Conn!” – Hardison warning Eliot of the hit man
“I’m so happy I could cry, but I don’t wanna, because it’s really gross when I do.” – Jessica to Hoyt, proving she’s the cutest vampire on TV
“Jason Stackhouse, abstinent.” – Jason
“Sounds good, doesn’t it?” – Luke
“Not really.” – Jason
“In person, she looks like vanilla pudding.” – Sookie, accurately describing Sarah Newlin
“If you don’t go out back right now and take off all your clothes, I will fire you.” – Sam to Daphne, before she turned out an agent of Maryann’s
“But all of them put together ain’t half as bad as if you do it to a vampire. Or to a dude. Or to a vampire dude. That’s like the creme de la creme of sins. There’s no repentance for that. Straight to hell, baby.” – Luke to Jason
“I won’t be baited into this conversation.” – Marshall
“I’m not baiting, I’m amusing. The verb, not the adjective.” – Mary
“Thanks for clearing that up. Either way, I’m not giving you the name of the first girl I had sex with.” – Marshall
“Why…? Is it because you’re a virgin?” – Mary
“No, its because you’ll track her down, call her up, and make her tell you all about it.” – Marshall
“So? I told you mine!” – Mary
“Neil Armstrong was not your first.” – Marshall
“Technically no, but who can ever remember that other guy’s name?” – Mary
“How do you keep from shooting yourself?” – Jessica to Ray, upon seeing his burned shell of a home
“If you ever want to pick out an outfit to match that stick up your ass, give me a call.” – Lenore, handing Jessica her business card in the beauty parlor
“I’ve been a jock, student leader, professional ballplayer, educator … is this really the material from which male prostitutes are made?” – Ray
Selections from the Virgin Diaries
“Did you watch House of Wax again? You know that Hilton girl gives you nightmares.” – Keith to Veronica
“Remind me: why did we break up?” – Veronica
“Well, you thought the other guy had greener grass. Or was it something about me being too much man? No, wait. It was you — you were too much man.” – Logan
“You here to confess? Is that your tail I see between your legs?” – Veronica
“No. But I can see how you might get confused.” – Weevil
“You met me at a strip club.” – House
“You were the worst two dollars I ever spent.” – Stacy
“You know how they say, ‘you can’t live without love?’ Well, oxygen is even more important.” – House
“I took an oath to do no harm.” – Cameron
“Yeah, well, it’s not like they made you sign it, or anything.” – House
“Are you being intentionally dense?” – Cuddy
[sarcastically] “Huh?” – House
“Well, we try not to get killed. That’s part of our whole mission statement: ‘Don’t get killed.'” – Willow
“So, its 118 degrees, and I’m sleeping without a stitch on, when I hear a screaming outside. So I go out stark nude, and a church bus and these three Vamps are feeding on half the Baptists in South Boston. I took out the three Vamps, and this preacher comes up and starts hugging me like there’s no tomorrow. Then the cops pull up and arrest us both.” – Faith
“Wow. They should film that story and show it every Christmas.” – Xander
“Angel was cured.” – Buffy
“I’m sorry?” – Giles
“When I killed him, Angel was cured. [to Willow] Your spell worked at the last minute, Will. I was about to take him out, and, um, something went through him, and he was Angel again. He-he didn’t remember anything that he’d done. He just held me. Um, but i-it was, it was too late, and I, I had to. So I-I told him that I loved him, I kissed him, and I killed him.” – Buffy
Clacked by Ivey West 
on Aug 02, 2009 @ 16:00 EST5EDT
