Diary of a Battlestar Galactica Virgin – Gee, that was depressing

Last I left you in my Battlestar Galactica virgin diary, the human/Cylon contingent discovered Earth. Everything appeared hunky-dory for the remainder of the human race. Too bad Earth had been nuked into oblivion, thus rendering it uninhabitable. Shit. These guys and gals and robots just can’t buy a break. Just when they started looking on the bright side, Ronald D. Moore yanked the carpet from beneath their feet. Oh well; they’re use to disappointment. I’m sure this resilient bunch turned their frowns upside down. No way would they fall into severe depression and lose all hope. Right? Uh … wrong.

“Sometimes a Great Notion”

So, the 13th Colony were all Cylons. And 2,000 years ago they destroyed each other. And Saul and Chief and Anders and Tory all remember living on Earth. And they recall their own deaths. Okay. I assume then that they were resurrected a couple thousand years later. If that’s the case, who/what resurrected them? It couldn’t have been Cavil, because he claimed not to know the identity of the Final Five. Was he lying? I’m confused.

Starbuck is dead — she found her own corpse. But she’s still walking and talking. What the hell is she? Even Leoben freaked out after seeing her dead body. Needless to say, she ain’t too mentally stable these days. Watching her set her remains ablaze was powerful stuff. Poor Starbuck; she hasn’t experienced much happiness in her life. Is she a harbinger of death, or a guiding light of hope? I’m still leaning toward the latter.

Speaking of unhappy — Dee blew her brains out. She didn’t take the news of Earth being a wasteland too well. I can feel her pain, but I never would have pegged her as a suicide; especially after kinda sorta reconciling with Lee. I guess it’s better to die with a smile on your face. Bye, bye Dee. I always liked her, even though she was underused.

Saul and Bill had another classic face-to-face. Interesting to see Saul talk Bill down from the ledge for a change. As usual, Michael Hogan and Edward James Olmos kicked ass in the scene. I can’t blame Bill for wanting to say sayonara; things aboard Galactica are unraveling fast. Oh, and Ellen is the fifth Cylon. I saw that one coming. She seemed like the most obvious choice. This should make for an explosive reunion with Saul.

“A Disquiet Follows My Soul”

This episode really sucked. It felt more like a soap opera than one of the final chapters in a great sci-fi drama. Saul and his Six are having a baby. What a joyous occasion. I thought Cylons couldn’t produce offspring. Is Saul’s seed different from the other models? Why do I get the feeling there is a miscarriage in their future? It wouldn’t be a surprise considering the dark turn the series has made.

Gaeta and Zarek are joining forces to take control of the government, and I could give a shit. Gaeta’s transformation from computer geek to bitter prick is boring, and not believable. Zarek is just too damn annoying for me to care what the hell he’s plotting. He’s a power-hungry malcontent. I get it. Hopefully, he and Felix will get blown out of an airlock for their betrayal.

More baby shit. Chief isn’t the father of his kid. Is this important? Because if it isn’t, I find the whole subplot completely unnecessary. The only noteworthy part of this pointless distraction is the revelation that cute-as-a-button Cally banged Hot Dog. What the fuck?! She must have been hard-up for some action. Evidently, she wanted to see how “hot” his “dog” really was. Rimshot!

Speaking of banging: It took four years, but Laura and Bill finally did the deed. Laura has turned batty as she nears death; she’s tossed her pile of pills, and has taken to running laps through the halls of Galactica. She wants to live a little before she kicks it. Makes sense. Maybe her renewed outlook will rub off on the rest of the morbid assholes moping around the ship. Things are bleak as bleak can be.

Final Thoughts

I predicted I wouldn’t enjoy the post-Earth installments. So far, I’m not impressed. The only storyline that remotely intrigues me is Starbuck’s. Gaius is behaving like a pot smoking David Koresh. My fingers are crossed that he meets the same fate as the Waco wacko. Despite my reservations, I shall trek on; I think I can make it through another seven episodes.

Clacked by Scott Tunstall
on Aug 14, 2009 @ 12:00 EST5EDT