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USA Network characters: It’s our world … they just live in it

usa network summer-survival4I think by now we’ve established the fact that USA Network knows how to cook a mean character. Each and every original series that the network’s produced is a hit on one scale or another — including Monk, which I otherwise can’t speak to because I don’t watch it.

Within the last week, I’ve enjoyed two episodes of Psych from last season (finally caught up!), as well as the pilot of White Collar (twice), the new and extremely exciting series that premiered last weekend. And the latter included commercials for the upcoming season of Burn Notice. All of which actually got me thinking that, if not for the atypical situation of my being behind on one series, and a new one premiering, I might be spending long stretches of time with no USA Network whatsoever.

Now I’ll grant you that that’s not so strange, considering that the major networks take summers off (well, used to … and still should, judging by their offerings), and that USA offers only a handful of original programming. But what about the fact that I want what I want?

So I figured, why not just take it? USA has crafted such three-dimensional characters, that presumably they can be plucked from location “A” and dropped into “B” with nary a hiccup. I actually had a thought along those lines while watching the pilot of White Collar, when I imagined Michael Westen trying to locate a source who’d been arrested by Peter Burke and the FBI, only to be holed up with Mary Shannon in New Mexico. Maybe he hires Shawn and Gus to help locate the guy? It actually could work quite well — they did manage those Monk farewell commercials, as well as the “welcome to the neighborhood ones” from Burn Notice to Royal Pains.

But a crossover, while an awesome idea, is on them to produce. What does that do for me while I wait? So I had a better idea, at least in the sense of its immediacy. We’re all creative, right? So here’s what I’m going to do: I’m going to mentally pluck a two-person team from each of five USA original series, and relocate them all to one (original) Melrose Place-style apartment complex in some sunny, as yet to be determined locale — and we need an awesome name for the complex, too.

Where applicable, the tandems will be gainfully employed in their chosen professions, albeit relocated. But it’ll be the nightly group gatherings, as well as the cross-collaborations, that will make for the interesting read.

Who’re the lucky sweepstakes winners? Well, we have Neal Caffrey and Peter Burke (White Collar), Michael Westen and Fiona Glenanne (Burn Notice), Hank Lawson and Divya Katdare (Royal Pains), Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster (Psych), and Mary Shannon and Marshall Mann (In Plain Sight). Sure they’ll host some visitors (preferably limited to Sam Axe, Madeline Westin, Evan R. Lawson, Juliet O’Hara, Carlton Lassiter, Henry Spencer, and Bobby D.), but the main focus is on the above ten.

So, it’s up to you, mad scientists. I can certainly craft one or two “adventures of,” but what would you like to see if these ten people ever came together? Who do you think would click, and who would be at one another’s throats (and it counts even if they already are on their own show). Any potential romances? Cross-collaborative cases?

Go nuts … their characters are now in your hands.

Photo Credit: USA Network

6 Responses to “USA Network characters: It’s our world … they just live in it”

October 30, 2009 at 10:44 AM

This doesn’t apply, since it’s not on USA, but I always wondered what would happen if the doctored file of Michael Westen’s crimes, including assassination and terrorism, got into Dexter Morgan’s hands, considering both are based in Miami.

November 2, 2009 at 1:55 PM

I don’t watch it, but isn’t Dexter crafted in such a way as to be too smart to fall for a doctored file? Might he not see right through it, team up with Michael, and put this issue to bed?

November 2, 2009 at 11:06 PM

I was thinking of the superhero trope where the good guys team up in the end, but there’s always a misunderstanding and an entertaining fight first.

I’ve only watched two of the four seasons of Dexter, but he often begins his research with the police files and public archives and trusts them, unless he has some reason to doubt the official record. He then investigates the target himself and makes sure that he or she is guilty before abducting them for his ritual.

Part of the conceit of Burn Notice is that the burn is so good that all the intelligence agencies and freelancers believe that Michael has gone rogue, and that it’s been nearly impossible for him to clear his name, although he has made progress season to season. And certainly some of the hijinks he gets up to each week can seem sinister when seen at the wrong moment, especially when he’s pretending to be someone evil. It wouldn’t be terribly difficult to get the two protagonists enmeshed in an imbroglio, even if things work out in the end.

November 3, 2009 at 11:37 AM

Interesting. Unfortunately I can’t speak to Dexter, but I think it would be interesting for characters to do crossovers, and not just a drive-by. Maybe the pair could work together in some capacity….

October 31, 2009 at 11:35 AM

It’s funny – while watching last night’s episode of ‘White Collar’, I also thought that it was the perfect show for crossovers with other shows. I think what triggered it was the scene at the Centra Park fountain and remembering that a scene in this past season’s ‘Law & Order: Criminal Intent’ took place there as well. And there’s another show that technically can play as well……

November 2, 2009 at 1:58 PM

:) I’m an SVU man myself, but it did look very Law & Order-ish. Okay, so Criminal Intent is fair game too … but where are the ideas, people???

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