As it turns out, American Idol has found a way to take the train wreck that is watching the auditions and extend that into the regular part of the season. That way, unfortunately, is Steven Tyler. Sometimes, I read the things that he says, and I can only imagine what it would be like to be on the receiving end of his “wit.”
American Idol
“Slap that baby on the ass and call me Christmas.” – Steven Tyler
“Well hellfire, save matches, (fornicate) a duck and see what hatches.” – Steven Tyler
“Can I get a sip from your cup?” – Contestant to Randy Jackson after his audition
“I’m pretty much a wedding and funeral singer … weddings tend to be more fun.” – Contestant Steve Beghun
“I found you to be disturbingly great.” – Steven Tyler to Steve Beghun
“That’s why he sings so good … ’cause he sings to you. …” – Steven Tyler to contestant Chris Medina’s brain-injured fiancée Juliana
Being Human
“How are you?” – Sally
“Well, I didn’t kill my sister, so … guess I can’t complain.” – Josh
“What’s it going to be: us or them?” – Bishop
“It was never a question, not really. Maybe I am sentenced to a life of hell with you, but here and now … I choose them.” – Aiden
30 Rock
“Every crazy A-lister owns an island: Nicholas Cage, Celine Dion, Charles Widmore.” – Tracy (Bonus points for the Lost shout out)
“I’m as happy as a clam that wants to kill some woman.” – Tracy, trying to be nice for the reality show cameras
“Someone get a PA to feed me baby food, or I will drop a D in the green room! Yeah, last week you thought I was crying wolf, didn’t ya?” – Jenna
Community
“Annie, question. Is Pierce marijuana? And does marijuana make people work faster? I thought it just made people custom paint their vans and solve mysteries.” – Abed
Parks and Rec
“I don’t much go for ethnic food.” – Ron
“Trust me. They have one that’s called ‘the meat tornado.’ Literally killed a guy last year.” – Andy
“You had me at meat tornado.” – Ron
Cougar Town
“Why me? Why do you want to torture me with your filthy stories?” – Jules
“You used to be one of us. Stalking young prey without mercy or shame.” – Barb
“When are people going to understand? That’s not who I am anymore. What do I have to do? Change my name?” – Jules
Greek
“Wait a minute … that Katherine is that Katherine, the smart one from law school?” – Beaver to Casey
“You’re my favorite lady I’ve never had sex with, Casey.” – Beaver to Casey
House
“Playground. Great place to meet chicks. Their moms too.” – House, when asked where he was
Clacked by Ivey West 
on Jan 30, 2011 @ 15:50 EST5EDT
