Diary of a True Blood virgin – A wedding/human sacrifice combo

by Katie Schenkel

'True Blood' season two comes to a close with some super crazy moments involving mud, naked people and an ox. Hedonism bot would love it.

2.11 “Frenzy”
“You two really should just fuck each other and get it over with. I could watch.” — Vampire Queen Sophie-Anne

See, I told you the Vampire Queen wasn’t dead. Plus, she would have been all exploded if she was. While I don’t trust her, I do like Sophie-Anne, thanks to Evan Rachel Wood‘s performance. I’m intrigued by her. The writers sure did write themselves out of a corner by saying practically anything can be made real if someone believes in it enough. That means we can get practically any monster in this show. I’m looking forward to future seasons involving Sookie falling for a hunky mummy or well-endowed swamp thing.

Dammit, Lettie Mae! I know I criticized you last season for abandoning your daughter, but this is not the time to listen to her! And poor Lafayette … I feel so bad for what he’s gone through. Seeing Eric in Lettie Mae’s clothes would disturb anyone, let alone a man tortured by him. Also, who knew you can be punched into hypnosis? What I liked about this episode are the bits and pieces from the different characters — Andy and Jason attempting to arm themselves, the kids meeting Eric, Eric and Sam coming to an arrangement, the random hypnotized townsfolk, etc. It’s all pretty goofy, but also pretty entertaining.

2.12 “Beyond Here Lies Nothin'”
“Come on, Sookie, it’ll be our little secret. What are you?” — Maryann
“I’m a waitress. What the fuck are you?” — Sookie

I know I’m supposed to be creeped out by the rather satanic festivities (and it is a little creepy), but this stuff is hilarious. The hypnotized are just so damn funny, especially Lafayette since he kept a lot of his normal characteristics. I saw the final Maryann resolution coming a mile away, but I will say it reminded me of “Greenleaf,” the short story by Flannery O’Connor … lots of religious/sexual metaphors to enjoy there, and we all know those are the best kind!

Poor Jason and Andy … they tried so hard to be heroes, only to get taken down within about a minute. I’ll give them credit for saving Sam a couple episodes ago, but they failed pretty damn bad. Having Arlene’s kids not be fooled about their would-be stepdad’s disappearance made me chortle, too. Once again, we have an epilogue that cuts into the events of the next season. I still don’t like how anti-climatic it makes the finale, plus it’s an obvious attempt at luring people into seeing the next season. Bill is kidnapped, which I’m sure made a whole lot of fans thrilled. Still, I know he’s still in the series up to the fourth season, so …

How was season two? Actually, I thought it was an improvement from the first. I found the murder mystery of season one to be slow, almost to the point of dull. Say what you will about Maryann, but at least we knew she was up to no good and knew to keep an eye on her. It was more entertaining watching her plot unfold rather than only seeing the results of the murderer’s plans. Plus, the hypnotized townspeople were hilarious. More than that, Sookie actually seems a little less starstruck with Bill, Eric had moments of non-prickness, Jason has some redeemable qualities in his own way and there was even a vampire I actually liked … until he died. Unlike last season, I found myself wanting to continue with the episodes even after watching the ones necessary for each week’s review. That’s usually a good sign.

With season two at a close and the fall season starting up, I’m going to take a bit of a break from my True Blood virgin diary. I’ll come back to it in a little bit, but enjoy my earlier entries for more sexy vampire goodness in the meantime.