Quotation Marks – House, Bones, Parks and Rec

When you think about it, it is more than a little surprising that this is the first time that Game of Thrones has shown up in Quotation Marks. The writing on that show has been phenominal from day one, so much so I think I could easily put together an entire post just on Tyrion quotes. Regardless, it isn’t even everyone’s favorite Imp who makes the list this week, but his stalwart paid sidekick.

Game of Thrones (Review)

“There’s no cure for being a cunt.” — Bronn

House (Review)

“Relax, I’m a doctor. Your spectacular breasts mean nothing to me.” – House, as he walks in on Wilson doing a patient’s breast exam

“My watch must have stopped. Apparently it’s already never.” – Wilson, after earlier telling House that they could continue their conversation about his sex dream never

“I want you to treat me like a friend … which means getting over the fact that you like me more than I like you.” – Chase
“Yeah, egotism and preening really turn me on.” – Park
“Too bad I’m not attracted to androgyny and self-pity or you’d have it made.” – Chase
“Because anyone that hasn’t gotten wet from your petri dish of STDs clearly has low self-esteem.” – Park
“Bitch.” – Chase
“Dick.” – Park

Dancing With the Stars (Review)

“Couldn’t you have imagined back in 1959, that over 50 years later you’d be celebrating your music at a celebrity ballroom competition?” — Tom Bergeron to Berry Gordy



“William and Cheryl, Smokey Robinson, and a cold shower for Bruno.” — Tom after William’s rumba

“You two are wired for sex.” — Bruno to William and Cheryl
“Okay! Stop being an electrician.” — Tom, cutting Bruno off

Bones (Review)

“Sibling rivalry is a common and necessary sociological imperative. Since it is, it doesn’t concern me any more than the discomfort of childbirth.” – Bones
“Your attitude is very impressive.” – Clark
“Of course it is.” – Brennan

“I got this belt for winning the Trout Classic. What you get yours for?” – Carl Singler
“To keep my pants up.” – Booth

“I got what I needed.” – Hodgins
“You have dirt?” – Cam
“Worms use their muscular pharynx to suck in soil. They extract nutrients and then give the rest back.” – Hodgins
“That’s just a nice way of saying ‘worm turd.’” – Clark

New Girl (Review)

“As you guys know it’s been kind of a rough year for me. I got dumped by Caroline … and Julia. I opened myself up to love, I was hurt badly … and I closed myself up again. So I’ve decided to give up on women … and put all that energy into … tomatoes.” – Nick
“You know what? It was on us for thinking this wasn’t going to be stupid …” – Winston
“Thank God. I thought he was trying to sell us something.” – Schmidt
“Guys! I have a whole speech!” – Nick
“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait you guys. I told him not to lead with tomatoes, but he did. As his friends, don’t you want to know why he wants to plant tomatoes?” – Jess
“Is it because he wants … tomatoes?” – Winston
“Just my feeble attempt at a new beginning.” – Nick
“He’s sowing the seeds for a more fruitful tomorrow. He is turning over a new leaf …” – Jess
“Jess please don’t do plant metaphors right now …” – Nick
“Okay … I’ll trim it back a little bit …” – Jess
“Okay … but you did it again …” – Nick
“It’s just ripe with plant metaphors …” – Jess
“Okay, but stop!” — Nick

“I swear her vagina has a right angle …” — Nick to Cece about Nadia’s hoo-hah

American Idol (Review and Results)

“Rock isn’t your forte, I wouldn’t say it was at all …” — Steven Tyler on Jessica Sanchez

“The bigger the cushion [pregnant pause] the bigger the cushion …” — Steven Tyler looking at JLo after Phillip Phillip’s first performance, “Fat Bottom Girls”
“What are you lookin’ at me for?!?” — JLo’s exasperated reply

“Honestly, true story. Phillip? We were back stage a few minutes ago. I think you ran by my girlfriend who’s here and she, like, sighed and blushed. And I think I heard her say ‘yummy’ …” — Ryan to Phil Phillips

30 Rock (Review)

“There’s a rumor that’s spreading around here like wildfire, but unlike the wildfires I’ve started, this one doesn’t sexually arouse me.” — Hazel

“For Alfie and Abner, NBC hired one African American and one Caucasian because they thought two black people on the same show would make the audience nervous — a rule NBC still uses today.” — Kenneth

“This is New York State, bitch! Anyone can get married to anything now!” — Hazel

Community (Review)

“Greendale Community College is represented by two separate yet equally important types of people. The goofballs that run around stirring up trouble and the eggheads that make a big deal out of it. These are their stories.” — Episode Opening

“You’re telling me after all this our suspect’s gonna slip away on the technicality that we’re not police!” — Abed

“Don’t be like me. A man’s got to have a code. I can only assume there’s a female equivalent of that … a codette or something.” — Jeff

“Boiling water is the icicle stabbing of yam killing!” — Jeff

Parks and Rec (Review)

“I still have feelings for you. Strong feelings. Emotional, primal feelings.” – Chris

“So you like investing.” – Campaign donor
“We like to dabble. I recently invested in some shirts …” – Andy

“Nothing gets me more pumped than Sarah McLachlan.” – Leslie

“Does that guy Chris Traeger have a girlfriend? And is his penis long?” -Jennifer, Bobby’s campaign manager

Big Bang Theory (More Quotes)

“Maybe we can go up to Napa Valley; they have that wine train.” – Raj
“Boo: Wine … but Yay! Trains. I’m in.” – Sheldon
“Anyway … it’s a beautiful time of year. You travel through the vineyards, there’s a tasting onboard and all the wild flowers are in bloom. It’s magic.” – Raj
“Look at that, in 30 seconds we went from hiring women to being them.” – Leonard

“This is Maid of Honor Amy Farrah-Fowler to bring you the wedding activities just weeks out from the big day. Let’s check in with the beautiful, radiant young woman and her friend who’s about to get married.” – Amy

“Kidding aside, Howard: you are a good friend, and I wish you nothing but happiness. Bazinga, I don’t! Double-Bazinga, I do!” – Sheldon 

“You lied to me. You said you told me about all the girls you’ve been with, but you never mentioned your cousin, the prostate or Raj!” – Bernadette

In Plain Sight (Review) 

“You get me.” –Marshall to Abigail

“I don’t have an anger problem. I have a dickhead problem.” – Mary (to Agent O’Conner)

“My God, you’re dumber than a box of hair.” – Mary (to Agent O’Conner)

“I’d say it’s nice to see you, but the nuns drilled me good on lies.” – Mary to her douchey witness

“Mary’s not with me. She’s yours. Always was.” – James Shannon to the feds